Asszilla

There’s never a wrong time for the right person.

Asszilla

Her dream was to have a wife and a husband. Since society isn’t ready for that kind of shyt she settled with just having a husband and a best friend, on the side.

Brutha licked his lips and extended his olive branch to her then placed his order for a 20 piece, hot n spicy chicken, lightly breaded, all flats, in two separate boxes (10 & 10). Her name tag read “Whitney” but with no disrespect Asszilla was more fitting. Her eyes expressed a interest without forming a single word.  There’s no doubt he loves the way she looks at him. Zilla’s tuff, young body is everlasting and built to last for the long run. Girlfriend has the baddest nightstand table, ever. Her low ryder bottom stands up at attention without effort. It’s an entity all by itself.  Hold up did her shyt just wink? Anyway, one look made Brutha say, “Good God, thank you Jesus”.  Brutha had to walk around it to get the full 3D experience.  A flat screen stand or coffee table no matter what you decide to call it, your Patron bottle and two tequila shot glasses will sit easily and feel right at home.

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She has that sexy, ratchet and classy vibe about herself. Her having “ass-pirations” is an understatement. Her assets invoked his creativity which lead to his written thesis. Her creative juices encouraged him to get drunk from her blessed offering. He knew exactly what he wanted in a woman. As soon as he laid eyes upon her Brutha instantly began to daydream which lead to a wild fantasy his imagination was not prepared to handle.

Girlfriend ran her finger across his chest as if he were a bowl of chocolate pudding. She had that “I’ll tear you da phuckup if you were mine” expression written on her face and Brutha knew he wouldn’t stand a chance if she had it her way.

Over the phone, Brutha applied to her university and registered for an online course, choosing her as an elective.  This full time student grabbed his surf board, closed his eyes and jumped on Zilla’s water wave gated court yard, and made his enterance through her limo stretched back door. With his toes now curled and holding tight to his trusty asthma pump in hand, her letter of acceptance arrived express mail.

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Her course was a prerequisite for his major. The lecture was oral.  The topic was massage-logy of the student body. In the lab, she’d examine, adjusted the specimens’ cerebral, prepped and sterilized the area where surgery would be performed. Her technique brought on a special climax of a reaction that was nothing short of head concision. His Entenmann’s chocolate stained glasses now fogged. Brutha couldn’t see the forest for the trees. He was so caught up in his lust of an experience; a thunderous explosion. He hadn’t realized his specs had been knocked off his face and fallen under her bed.

Her tongue would eventually become his cotton swab which probed then slurped his strawberry-grape flavored Popsicle. His cream filled honey dip stick disappeared down her camshaft performing an unscheduled tonsillectomy which tickled her throat. She enjoyed the feeling of being choked to the point where she would lose consciousness. After she smoked his sweet Kielbasa sausage she swallowed his melted Hostess Twinkie cream filling and didn’t need any milk as a chaser. Customer service and student satisfaction guaranteed, fo sho.

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Having taken a course with Boozilla was like driving an antique model car over pot holes consecutively; feeling every single bump along the way. Sho nuff, an incredible experience which became, classic. It was more like a blast from the past; sitting in the back of the school bus after rolling over multiple speed bumps. Six Flags even, a great adventure that Robinson Crusoe would be proud of.

It would be her best performance ever. The expression on his face was revealing and priceless. She said “Don’t be lookin at me with that tone of voice”. For the first time Brutha had no words. Her backside babble must have clouded his better judgment. Her cute smile may in fact have been the distraction that led to his attraction. Was this a sign of more to come?

Brutha would return the favor and give unto her exactly what she desired the most, the midnight special delight, his highly anticipated tongue sponge bath, bubbles included, He made his way by licking her crevices up stream making sure not one drop touched her leg. Zilla felt like she was getting her loaded diaper changed. Shortly afterwards he gently soaked himself inside her, joining together as one.

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Denial is not a river in Egypt

Never allow yesterday’s list of demands hold your tomorrow hostage, just because you like what you like. It has a way of clouding your better judgment not allowing you to clearly see what’s exactly in front of you. Although she’s an adult there’s proof that there’s room for growth and improvement but in time everything will fall into place.

A year later after playing an unnecessary game of cat and mouse Brutha cast a spell upon her and used telepathy to make his presents felt. From this point on Zilla will not be able to stop thinking about him especially when older men try to holla.

Zilla spoon fed him some bullshyt about giving her cell phone to her little brother to hold, while he’s attending college. Who does that kind of shyt without having a backup plan? Let the truth be told she’s holding out and has another phone that he doesn’t know about.  Brutha doesn’t have permission to call nor does he have permission to post on her F.B. page.  Zilla claims that her family will ask too many questions. Nonetheless, she mentioned to him that contact and communication would be limited. More like, once every now and again, when she feels like it, type of limitation cramp.  Brutha is starting to think there’s more to her story than she is revealing.  It feels strange to him somewhat as if she’s sneaking a call from the bathroom.  She could at least send him a text saying “Hey asshole, I mean dummy. How you doing? I was just thinking about you”.

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When Brutha first met her he took his time and didn’t take her for granted. He merley wanted to sit, chat and sip on a little somethin-somethin. He shared with her some of his deepest feelings, fears and concerns. Should he ever get the chance, Brutha planned to kiss and make love to her, then phuck the shyt out of her, hard, every chance he get as if it would be the very last time he’d see her because after all, life is short.  Plus, she’s ova due fo some dirty north/south, deep dish, dyck down, style of a cleansing. All she needs to do is lay back, close her eyes and feel his tongue moon walk across her body.

As time went by she failed to keep the magic going and Brutha allowed her to slip and fall out of his life slowly but surely. The things she did to acquire his attention, in the begining, she failed to continue to maintain and became very sloppy about her buisness. A while back she had mentioned to him when she’s frustrated and upset she takes it out on the world.  Brutha was like, “What does any of this have to do with me”? This served as a signal and a sign that there’s room for improvement, especailly room for continued growth on her part. Pondering his next move had their roles been reversed he was sure she wouldn’t have put up with this kind of bullshyt. Sad ass looked at her picture and said, “She’s worth it”. Like bugs on a pen he researched her tendencies and studied her like a professor of criminology in search of clues. Now look at Brutha sitting home, alone and all phucked up, drunk with his head hangin down. He’s his worst enemy and can’t help himself from himself. Nicca needs to get a grip…

Doing Da Most

Luggage:

Why does Zilla love nicca’s that don’t do the most? When it come to this Brutha, why doesn’t she claim what belongs to her? What could she be cautious about? Why would any woman cry, lick her wounds and choose to sleep alone when she doesn’t have to, especially when she could have him in her life with an available shoulder to lean on helping her to better sort things out? Brutha crams to understand her storm and her southern thought process.

Zilla never offered him to come over for a visit. She never set aside any personal time let alone made arrangements for them to spend quality time together.  She always found a way not to go to the movies, meet up for drinks or hangout to get a bite to eat.  She keeps him at a safe distance but when he makes an effort to bring the two of them closer she tells him that she will call him back and never return the call, until a week later. She’s the “I’ll call you right back” type which means 5 days from now, She’ll always try to flip the script and says that Brutha’s words are too good to be true, then adds “You got so much game”. Yeah, that’s the ole Jedi mind trick.

Brutha asked her a very simple question and said, “Tell me what I have to do to prove to you my love is true”. She replied, “Nobody has ever asked me that question before”.  His question made her think. She never did give him an answer.  Brutha figured she’s still thinking of the best way to answer his question. She said that she’d like to be married, have more children, purchase a house and travel together, as a family.  It sounded as if they wanted the same things that life has to offer but for more than a year she kept their cat and mouse game on F.B. and on I.G.

Brutha didn’t scare easily and he didn’t run when she told him about the gangland activity and war council that took place in her living room held by one of her family member. Brutha didn’t flinch, well maybe he should’ve, after she mentioned having two shot guns hidden in her closet along with unaccountable items that didn’t belong to her (five finger discount style). He thought to himself, that’s none of his business nor is it his problem. Brutha felt she presented her hostage list just to see how fast he would bolt.

After Brutha had awaken from his butt fetish slumber he still didn’t blink when she told him about her ex-boyfriend; the babies’ father of nine years. He’s the jealous type and even thou he has a new girlfriend he still tries to holla and doesn’t want any dude around the kids.  Now that’s some mind control for a muthaphucka, huh?  Brutha must really like this woman or he’s just plain stupid. They say nicca’s of a certain age slip back into infancy stage. So stupid it is.

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While holding all the cards and dangling all the keys on a string with a tiny piece of cheese at the end of her hook, Zilla claims she can’t crack Brutha’s code. Imagine that… Study long, study wrong my dear. Zilla’s trying to figure Brutha out because according to her, everything coming out of his mouth sounds too good to be true. Maybe this is a southern way of doing things. Maybe it’s more game of deception on her part, but whatever it is it’s confusing. For some reason Brutha thinks he has seen this movie before.

When he mentioned to her his concerns she’s quick to say Brutha is being dramatic and then she would add that  he’s a flirt, a freak and some other dumb shyt like his mouth is out of control.  She knows she likes his mouth. SMH. Brutha just wanted to have her hold a few things for him, like a couple of kids and oven stuff her with some dyck. Zilla accused him of always working now that her hours had been reduced. Sounds like excuses on top of more excuses.  Moving forward, jealous like a rambling Jamaican, game recognizes game and honey hadn’t any proof of her false accusations. The fingers are all pointed in her direction. People who tend to do this try to deflect attention from themselves. Why couldn’t he see what’s in front of him? Is he in denial of what written on the wall? Had the roles been reversed she would have kicked him to the curb, swearing that Brutha was either married or living with someone.

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Real Talk:

Wait a minute… Time out! Let’s stop and cut the bullshyt right here and now. A relationship that doesn’t require many words is a sign of a great start. It’s about quality and substance over a big butt, a smile and the run around. One should avoid running into the same brick wall ova and ova. The keys to a lasting relationship is communication, laugher, respect and being a little hard of hearing.We don’t even have to talk.

Ole Fool:

It is said when an older person dates a younger person they are in hiding? Why don’t they date within their own age group? Are they avoiding issues hidden with a younger person? Are they afraid of being confronted and held accountable by their peers whereas a younger person may not know how to point out or confront these differences? Are they living their lives vicariously through another person? Or is it simply a person their own age just doesn’t cut it or bring the excitement? Does sex play a major role?

He looks at his cell phone expecting for it to ring or as if a text message will instantly appear. Obvious signs of a lonely, pathetic old man who’s in need of love and attention. Just shoot Brutha when he gets to this point.

Harlem,

 

Heaven is at the foot of Mother….