I post blogs on this one website that will remain forever nameless. The site has a chat room for bloggers and I sometimes will enter the room, pull up a chair and watch the fireworks, while I’m in between writing. Why did this sistha try to put me on blast just because I didn’t notice her when I entered the room? Somebody in her family must have eaten the last piece of chicken and left a corner of Kool-Aid and decided to throw shade my way.
She was a cookies n cream eatin, hurricane hollerin hungry hippo looking, Mrs. Fields crumb dropping on the keyboard havin and always looking at someone else’s plate type of a woman. Talkin about “You gonna eat dat?” Why do big people have to touch food? Like you gonna say “Yeah I’m gonna eat it even though you just stuck your finger all in my plate”.
This sista came at me hard last night and pissed me off. I’m talkin Banana whole swallowing Magilla Gorilla type of sistha who swung out of a tree on my ass online style. I mean she came at me huffin and puffin hard fogging up my glasses through the computer. The screen name she went by was “PeachBunnyMama”. PeachBunny! SMH. I’m tryin to tell you a hot mess is more like it.
Mama has to be about 5’- 4” with no neck. She’s all shoulders, with one arm shorter than the other arm. People in the room said that her arm was long because when she was a child she was always reaching for shyt. Like, if she couldn’t reach the milk n cookies she would will that motherphucker down. You know pulling and shaking on the refrigerator door saying out loud “Will you get in my belly.” I’m just sayin. Only repeating what was told to me. She had the nerve to call herself “Peach” knowing she wasn’t from Georgia she was from Ohio.
First of all why your name must begin with food? I’m sorry but a Bunny not suppose to look like that either. Her stomach was up where her chest was supposed to be. I mean this girl had a picture on her page that would make you mad just because you clicked on her profile. Why did I click on her profile? Now she’ll be thinking I was trying to check her out. Not! I wish there was a “forget about it” button or a “never mind” button. Even a button that says “Nah I’m Good” would be suffice. So I picked up a banana and started eating it and I wear she must have smelt it across the web cause she came at me out of left field.
Saying “You can’t speak when you enter my room, Harlem? Harlem what you doing over there in the corner with that girl? She doesn’t want you. What you eating? Harlem you from Harlem cause my big sister lives there?” Then she came at me asking me do my balls have worms cause she heard that old men be getting worms cause their ball sack be hangin and that old men be sitting on them which causes worms to grow. I was like now that a little bit too much information to be giving so early in the day. So I said “baby, slow down. I’m talking to my friend if you don’t mind and I don’t know anything about any worms but I would Google it for her. Now, I don’t want no problems cause girlfriend is huge. Then she asked me how many Viagra’s does it take to get me hard? Now I’m looking to see which chat room I’m in cause I know I did not click on the “No Panties” room. I was like “Wha” The entire room started laughing.
Now, I like everybody for the most part and I don’t have anything against big women, cause when I was younger I use to check for the big girls cause my boy Ernst told me that big girls would give you anything and everything. He didn’t tell me that there’s a price that come with dat shyt. I’m mad to this day. You know if I ever see Ernst again I’m going to phuck his little crack head up. I should’ve known better not to listen to a crack head. He should have told me that that shyt would leave a smell on a brutha for 2 weeks no matter what you wash with. Damn, I still have nightmares sometimes. Waking up wondering what the hell is that smell and it would be me smelling like hot dog water.
You see I should have known from the first sign that she was going to be a problem when she entered the room typing “ Walks to the corner and plops on the couch”. Normally a person would say something like “Pulls up a chair” and shyt. Then she types, “Cracks a 2 liter of Sprite, gulp”. So I’m like “ew” what does this chick look like? Only to find that she had visited my page and had sent me a friends invite. Now I’m feeling some type of way cause she just got through molesting a brutha online. Then is picture came to mind of her on top of me and I’m trying to get away yelling out “Help me, help me.”
I’m not trying to have a girl punk me, at least not online. Wait, holdup I think I hear her coming. Okay gotta go. I’ll finish this conversation later. Feet don’t fail me now, I’m out.